A forty five minute search this morning ended with a defeated shrug. I had lost my wallet sometime on the way home from the bar last night.
It was an emotional search.
Casual at first - "now where did I put it last night?"
Slowly becoming more frantic - "if I don't find it soon I'm going to be late for work..."
Then anger - "where is the damn thing!"
Then defeat - "it's ... gone."
The walk to work this morning was filled with thoughts about my wallet - where exactly did I go, did I remember taking it out anywhere? I decided to call the bar we were at last night when it opened on the off chance that it was turned in. We were outside on the patio - pretty much on the street, so it would have been an easy grab for many of the passers by looking for a quick buck, but there was a chance nonetheless.
I thought about what may have happened to my wallet, someone may ave grabbed it, taken the cash, and then thrown it in the garbage. Someone else may have actually walked it down to the local police box, maybe someone else has the wallet right now and is trying to figure out how to contact me. I hoped that a good person who was willing to take the effort had found the wallet. Or, at least I hoped that someone who really needed the money found it.
Then, my thoughts turned to self-flagellation at having being suitably inept as to have left the thing somewhere in the first place. How stupid was I anyhow? Maybe I should just quit my job today, as I certainly didn't deserve to get paid for anything that I was capable of - they could surely do better.
Anyhow, at this point I realized that thinking and worrying about my wallet was wasting valuable time. How could I take this experience and turn it into a positive one?
Well, the answer eluded me.
But! I forced myself to realize that life is what it is and you are where you are. No point in dwelling on the wallet. Just buy a new one, get new cards and get on with the day.
It was an emotional search.
Casual at first - "now where did I put it last night?"
Slowly becoming more frantic - "if I don't find it soon I'm going to be late for work..."
Then anger - "where is the damn thing!"
Then defeat - "it's ... gone."
The walk to work this morning was filled with thoughts about my wallet - where exactly did I go, did I remember taking it out anywhere? I decided to call the bar we were at last night when it opened on the off chance that it was turned in. We were outside on the patio - pretty much on the street, so it would have been an easy grab for many of the passers by looking for a quick buck, but there was a chance nonetheless.
I thought about what may have happened to my wallet, someone may ave grabbed it, taken the cash, and then thrown it in the garbage. Someone else may have actually walked it down to the local police box, maybe someone else has the wallet right now and is trying to figure out how to contact me. I hoped that a good person who was willing to take the effort had found the wallet. Or, at least I hoped that someone who really needed the money found it.
Then, my thoughts turned to self-flagellation at having being suitably inept as to have left the thing somewhere in the first place. How stupid was I anyhow? Maybe I should just quit my job today, as I certainly didn't deserve to get paid for anything that I was capable of - they could surely do better.
Anyhow, at this point I realized that thinking and worrying about my wallet was wasting valuable time. How could I take this experience and turn it into a positive one?
Well, the answer eluded me.
But! I forced myself to realize that life is what it is and you are where you are. No point in dwelling on the wallet. Just buy a new one, get new cards and get on with the day.
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